But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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