hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who died my cat blue again?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
