as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
