do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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