i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
sex in a hospital.. check
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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