my sisters under your porch take her home
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize