For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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