guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
