she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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