please come you make the beer taste better
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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