no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
