Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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