i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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