and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just want to make out with him forever
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
