I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
