I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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