I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
