i jhust puked up my retainher.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
