can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
