can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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