**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
