White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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