i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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