Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
