Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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