In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
