Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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