When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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