I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
