So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
