i permit you to call me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
