dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
two words: eviction party
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
