True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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