im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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