I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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