You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
