wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
