how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
