Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
