Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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