is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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