i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Operation Purity has been aborted
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
