She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
