He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
