I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
