sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
