her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
