So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dignity is for republicans.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
