ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
