I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize