Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
