The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
