I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
