Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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