In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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