I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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