doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
