You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
