It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
