I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
