i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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