my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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