Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
