Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
