Will you blow on my dice?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
home. puking in laundry basket.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
