Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
