my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
